Thursday. EEEK!

This was a particularly difficult day, and I do feel much better having written this post and just kind of put it all out there. Looking at what I ate yesterday it seems that I didn't get enough calorie wise and in hind sight I should have eaten some more solid food or a lot more juice.

So, this morning at work I was feeling a little delicate, not sick, not unwell, rather more feeling brittle. Nothing in particular wrong, just not fantastic.

This morning I made juice for breakfast.

Green juice with spinach, parsley, carrot and celery. Now this was nice, MUCH better than I had expected green juice to taste. I made about 600ml.
I drank about 500ml water and some apple cider vinegar.

While I was making my morning juice, I made about 500ml of juice for later on in the day.
In to my juicer went oranges and parsley. I ave had this combination before and I quite liked it, I did peal the oranges because sometimes I find when you juice citrus with the skin on, it can be far too tart. Now I couldn't finish my morning juice, so I mixed in the last 300ml with the orange juice.

For lunch I had:
about 6 Dark Rye Ryvita
1 Mashed avocado
The last of the plantain chutney
1 large organic apple

Now the apple didn't do it for me, so I didn't finish it off.

When I went to drink my afternoon juice at about 3, after the first glug, I realised that I had struck upon a really bad combination of foods. My thinking was sound when I mixed these juices together. The oranges would have provided vitamin C which would support the absorption of the iron in the spinach. Right?

This was nasty, don't try this at home unless you know something that I don't or your palate is ready for that.

This evening, I had a plan about what to have for dinner. I saw somewhere in blogland, that if you cut fine strips from a courgette it will service as pasta, and well, with some blended tomatoes (see yesterday's post for that one) that would work as sauce. So, shredded a courgette and a carrot with my sharp vegetable peeler, smothered the "noodles" with the "sauce". This was actually nice. In fact the first thing I ate today that I enjoyed, everything else my mouth and stomach just wasn't ready for.

I was still hungry, so I blended the last tomato with parsley, coriander leafs and garlic. Well, until now, I didn't know that I didn't like raw coriander, I had eaten it in curry lots of time, but raw, this wasn't working for me, so it went down the sink.

Then things went bad and I had a minor binge. I won't say exactly what i ate, only it was a LOT more than I had planned on. And I knew that on my third trip the the kitchen that I really was full.

So half way through a bowl of pasta, I looked down at the salty sauce and the penne and I realised that I no longer wanted to fill my body with this rubbish, I was already feeling bloated and a little nauseaus.

Now I hardly every fail to finish eating something, but this just wasn't going into my body. And at that point, I remembered that I have no more room in my life, or my body, for sickness and depression.

So I walked to the bathroom, bowl in hand and poured that excuse for food in to the toilet. When I looked down it did indeed look like vomit.

For a while I was tempted to purge, but it seemed to be a silly idea with it's own problems. So I didn't.

In conclusion, today wasn't fantastic. It wasn't the worst by a long shot. There were many things that were bad like, I didn't realise until walking to work that I had my pants on backwards, and on my way home I discovered that my boots are NOT water tight. What I became more aware of was valuable.

For the rest of the evening, I will drink as much water as I need to help my body deal with that rubbish and I will be firm in my resolve tomorrow to be better to my body. I will try to remind myself that I am precious and that as unworthy as I may be feeling,I have my place and purpose, and that I deserve love, healthy and happiness.
All of this is in my controll.